theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
