She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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