if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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