proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
