She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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