i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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