Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
