This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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