Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
