If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
