Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
