you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
