Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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