glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
