You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
