I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
