So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize