even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
