Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
