why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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