My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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