Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
