11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
