Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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