i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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