She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
