dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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