New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
