that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
