My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
