I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
