I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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