Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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