3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
