there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
