i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
