im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I have fence marks all over my body
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize