well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
