You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
