You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
