My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
