Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
My hand turned me down
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
