ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
