Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
