i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
