bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize