____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
