oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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