Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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