just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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