Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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