I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
