Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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