He disabled his match.com account in front of me
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
