so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
