SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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