Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.