help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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