I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?