1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Blow job season was short but glorious.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios