I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
