Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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