glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
