do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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