I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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